I took today and yesterday off from work because I’ve had a nasty chest cold. I felt guilty at first because it makes a short school week even shorter, thus letting my classes get less done than ever. But I think I needed to - I wouldn’t have taught well, and I’d be a germ clearinghouse.
I realized today that I need work. I need to get out of the house, do something that’s a little outside of what I would do for fun. Today I read books, went to Starbucks, blogged a lot, exercised, and rested. And I’m tired of it.
I want a full life, one that finds meaning and purpose in significant work that requires effort and preparation. I am glad I am a teacher, and glad I am kept busy by the responsibilities such a job entails.
Different people have this need to differing extents, and I am in no way being judgmental of those who have chosen other paths, e.g. working part-time and living on less. This involves disciplines such as frugality that I am lacking in.
But what I have learned about my own emotional state is most important: I need to be productive to be happy. Reading books and blogging is not enough. It sounds strange, but I felt great this weekend when all the dishes were clean, and I kept it that way for three days. Felt great.
Is this a bad thing, to need to feel productive? Where does it come from? How does it relate to spiritual discipline?
I’m a lot like you in this regard….I think it is both a blessing and an opportunity. Pascal said, tounge in cheek, that all the evils of the world could be attributed to the fact that most men can’t sit alone in a room for 30 minutes without going crazy. Makes me think when I want to check my email for the 1,223 time in a 24 hour period!
We need to make sure that our need to be “productive” is being sanctified by always asking ourselves what we mean by the word and what holy fathers teach us about work, prayer, and study and how to balance them (not just in terms of time but in attitude)
Some of us need to do things to feel like the day has been worthwhile. I am one of them too. Right now I need to sit in a quiet time - because if I start too much I won’t be able to maintain itnext year when I begin teaching again. Its hard! Who would have thought taking it easy could be this difficult!
I have the same “need to feel productive” that you described, Justin. In speaking informally about it to our church, I get the impression that more men “have it” than women (makes it sound like a disease, doesn’t it?)
With that in mind, it’s funny that the Bible story that best addresses it involves two women, Mary and Martha. Discussing the story with some other couples a week or so ago, I came to a conclusion that was (for me, at least) surprising. Jesus never told Martha to do what Mary was doing (i.e. sit contemplatively at his feet). He implied that she had made a “better choice,” but I don’t think the choice was about what she was doing, but why she was doing it. Mary’s focus was on Christ; Martha’s was on herself. I’m convinced that Martha could have gone back to the kitchen and been totally righteous in doing it…if she had been doing it out of love for Christ.
Sadly, I’m mostly like Martha. I need to be busy for my own reasons, not to glorify God. I don’t need to be busy because “the fields are white for harvest” or because “the days are evil,” but because I sleep better at night if I’ve checked lots of things off of my “to do” list. Ugh!